A Very Real Wish for the New Year

This post may be too real. But it's what I needed to say.

Am I the only one who can't believe that 2015 is over? I'm over here still thinking 1995 was only ten years ago. Let's be honest. I wish you the best and only good things in the new year, but this is a difficult time of year and I'm having trouble finding the words to express how great 2015 was (which it really was). We welcomed our healthy and happy baby girl, my son graduated from Kindergarten and went on to the 1st grade, and so so many other good things that I'm grateful for.

This year has also had its downs, most notably the death of my father. But apart from the lows, parents who have experienced child loss will understand how I feel all too well. I desperately try to make the holidays as special and magical as I can for my kids, but on the inside I'm just trying not to fall to pieces because my daughter isn't here with me. And it's hard. Today, as another year draws to a close, I'm once again reminded that I have to silently face yet another year without my Bryn.

I live in a tiny town where a lot of people know who I am and know my story. I've been public about our loss and some of the journey we've taken since then. I've had the great fortune of having support, even if it's just a small smile on a bad day, or all your comments. Even so, there are days when I feel alone. There are bad days when I can't even force a smile, but I still have to go adulting in public, fearing that people will just think I'm being mean.

Get to the point Liz... what I'm saying is that you truly never understand the internal struggle that someone is going through. We can never know how our actions, or lack of action, affect others. But there is one small thing that I wish for the world that will make 2016 a better time to live. Be kind. As cliché and cheesy as that sounds. Even on your bad days (trust me I know how hard that is), but it'll help you too. Don't forget to be kinder to yourself too. Something that too many of us struggle with.

I sat down to write a post about a New Year's sale and this is what came out. I guess it's been weighing on me more heavily than I even really knew. Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is to turn to those who have supported me in the past. Thank you for being there for me from afar. 

This post was very real. Maybe too real. For that I'm sorry. It's a little out of character for me as I usually try to hide that I'm human, have weaknesses, and may need help from time to time. As I'm writing this I'm not even sure if I'll click "Publish" or not. So here's to courage, honesty, and a kinder future.

play hard... play hooky